The Future and All the Crap and Glory It Holds

My, my, my, it has been awhile. However, I have an excuse. I'm a lazy bastard. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. However, I really have had a lot of stuff weighing on my mind recently. Surprisingly, all this deep thought and contemplation stem from a TV show. That's right folks, America has reached a new low when deep thought is not inspired by a picture, a musical note, or a scene from a top a bluff, but when it comes from a television drama series. Yes, this is sad, maybe even pathetic. However, this show has brought so much distraught to my mind that I don't think I want to ever see it again.

"What is the goddamn show," Steve would be asking right now. The show is "House." I don't know if you've ever seen it or not, but it's worth a look. The basic premise of the show is about a doctor above all doctors. Ordinary doctors, as the title implies, call in Dr. House, to diagnosis and treat patients who cannot be diagnosed. The symptoms generally have many possible diseases related to them and it is Dr. House and his team of dramatic doctors to solve the case. From the previous post, this obviously struck a chord. So much that I stayed up all night one night just to finish the series. Did I mention a friend lent me season 1 on DVD? Anyways, the show was cool! I mean, come on, who doesn’t want to be the “last line of defense” against diseases? The thought was exhilarating. I, Joseph DeVitis, a doctor. Ahh…*looks into the distance.* My dream, being lived on a TV screen by some British actor who knows nothing of medicine.

Wait a second! Come back to reality Joe! You only have a 2.9 GPA! Yes, that is right. I don’t know how it happened, but it did. After one year of college, this is what I have to work with. This means two things. If I applied to medical school, the admissions officers would take one look at that number, laugh their asses off, burn the application, and admit me to a psych ward for chronic stupidity. The other thing that this means is that for the rest of my time here at beautiful LMU, I have to pull a 3.7 every semester for me to graduate with a 3.5, barely. This is a scary thought. THIS means that if I take 5 classes a semester, I have to pull at least 3 A’s and 2 B+’s. This is not saying I can’t do it, I believe I can, but it’s a stretch. Even with graduating with a 3.5, I still am below most average medical school’s average entering classes’ GPA’s.

Right now I’m scared and stressed out as hell. I don’t sleep that well at night because of the thought of not getting in. Have I already failed myself? Is it too late to even consider doing the science/medicine thing or do I chance it out? I feel like I’ve already given up in some regards. I look at the people sitting in those Pre-Health meetings and all I see are numbers floating above their heads. 3.8 over here, 3.6 over there, 4.0 in the front, and oh wait, 2.9 sitting in the middle not saying a word. I just don’t know what else to do if I don’t go into medicine. What can you do with a chemistry major? Maybe grad school? PhD? Same amount of school, same title, completely different jobs. I feel like I can even pick out the people who are going to make it. I can see it in their eyes. And yet, I feel like my spirit has already been broken.

Socially wise, not doing so hot either. Most of Whelan still hates me, what’s new? Even my dad is telling to me less strict with some of the kids here. He tells me that if I hear the bottles clink then I should just keep walking. I don’t know….it is my job to enforce the policies. The line is so grey there. I don’t know where to draw it. I also need a mob wife. If you don’t know what that is, come talk to me. This post is already long enough without another explanation. Anyways, I basically gave away my mob wife to a friend. My friend has liked her for a while and he wanted to take her. This is not to say I don’t like her as well, but it was one of those “you like her enough to give her away” type deals, pathetic in my opinion. Now I’m shit out of luck. I have a few options, but even then those are stretches. My prediction is that I’ll end up with someone setting me up with a girl I’ve never met and have us both hating each other by the time the week is over.

I guess the whole point of this post is that I’m very unstable right now. I haven’t shaved in over two weeks. This is not a fashion statement. My room is a mess, papers and clothes everywhere. I haven’t posted on this for a long time. I just don’t feel like the “Joe” that I used to be. You hear about failures in college, people that don’t try hard enough. They pay all this money to go to college, fuck up, and get some piss ass job. I don’t want to be that guy. I want to at least come out of hear with a reasonable GPA, get into some type of grad school, and continue my dream. I want all these things and the only person killing it is me. It’s as if I’m torn from within. So yes, I’m sorry I don’t have anything better to talk about, no sports talk, no funny stories. My life is in disarray right now. I don’t know when I’m going to get back on track, hopefully sooner than later. I made an appointment with SPS. Maybe they can help, although their schedule looked pretty booked. The only thing keeping me afloat is Hot Karling Danny’s mom once a week. Without her, I’d be a goner. I need something, whatever it is, I hope it comes soon, or I’ll be left in the dust. Hope all your lives are a bit more put together than mine. Until next time, if there is one, ciao.

Decisions

It comes a time in every person's life when they start to wonder what exactly they are going to do for a career. Up until today, I knew what I was going to do. I was going to (hopefully) go to med school, get my MD, become a psychiatrist and live a happy life with a beautiful wife, etc. This is something that I’ve always just accepted. This is the plan. Don’t steer away from the plan. Without the plan, I will have nothing. Becoming a doctor in general is always been a goal of mine and my parents. I’m not afraid to admit that my parents, mostly my mother, has been pushing me my whole life to become a doctor. I think she has even suppressed ideas of me becoming anything less of one. None the less, there has been a constant pressure throughout my life to be something that my parents and I believe is the right thing for me.

However, for some reason, today I began to question whether or not I actually wanted to go through with the whole ordeal. This hasn’t been the first time before, but today it just went home. It happened at the 2nd year Pre-Health Meeting at convo. The main idea was getting into some type of internship so as to see if this is the life style you want for yourself. Needless to say, I haven’t been to hospital for any reason unless it was an emergency. This is not to say that I don’t have some sort of idea about what doctors do. Most people have a good idea. However, it’s that’s hand’s on experience that I’m lacking to make an educated decision. This is a scary thought. What if I do make it to med school and a year into it, I absolutely hate it. I would have wasted all that money and time for a job I can’t stand. Although the possibility of that happening is slim, the fact remains that it still exists. If it is one thing that I’m deafly afraid of is regret. I don’t want to regret any decision I make, especially one this big as, gez I don’t know, my life.

Now, the response to the last paragraph would be “Ok Joe, get off your lazy ass and go get an internship.” I would love to. I think it would be great, if I could. And this is not to say I’m making excuses for myself. These are just facets of life that I can’t get around because of my situation. The summer is booked. I have to pay for college somehow and construction is the only way I can make as much money as possible. These are 8-hour days. Mind you, I do get off by 4PM. There could be a chance of getting something later in the evening, so it’s worth a check. Other than that, summer is no good. During the school year, I’m in LA with no car. It would be nice to think I could take the Lion Express to and from work, but let’s face it, the Lion Express sucks Danny’s mom’s left nut, very hard. Getting a car would be easy if I didn’t have to pay for college, but I do, so I see none of the hard earned money from the summer. This is my predicament. All I see are dead ends.

So what does this mean for Joe? Another career? Possibly. Being a college professor sounds interesting enough. I could stay in academia and pursue a subject that I have a strong passion for. Stick it out? Another and the more likely scenario that I see happening. Being as stubborn as I am, I will fight it, push the questions down and battle through only to be let down. Doing something else in the health professions but not being a doctor? Eh, I don’t know. I think being in that atmosphere and knowing that I don’t have all the knowledge I can possibly have, aka being THE doctor, would inspire jealously and drive me insane to some degree. Overall I wouldn’t be happy. However, it’s an option none the less.

Other than questioning my life goals, things are going well. Greek Week is here and kicking my ass, but come out to Lip Sync. Saturday night (10/8/05) in the gym. I think you have to buy tickets, but I imagine it goes to some relief fund. It’s going to be sick. Although I can’t say what the theme of our dance, you can come laugh at me while I try to dance my ass off. Until next time peeps, ciao.